victoria st

I particularly enjoy taking a walk down Victoria St in Richmond. Today I was there on a hunt for pig’s skin (production shoot..gross…).
It wasn’t the most joyous of activities so I welcomed any distraction. I love the smell of victoria street. It smells like home. It smells like Toa Payoh where my mum’s provision shop is. The weather was kind, I could smell the sweat of the old hunched vietnamese grannys amongst the sour foul odour of meat from the butcheries. And then there was the dry provision stock smell.

I followed that familiar scent into a shop. And immediately, I was transported back into ’96.
They had dried packet food packed to the ceiling and handwritten price tags. The boss speaks only viet and canto and little english.
I can do english, manadarin and almost no canto. With some caricaturing and pointing, smiling, thumbs up, nodding excessively, I managed to convinced him to let me take a photo of him.

Melbourne is a funny place. Everyday I find something not so new about this place, makes me question ‘where am i?’
I remember watching Sophie’s first film last year and telling her that her grandma has the same plates as my grandma.
And then there was that day when I walked into a Chinese takeaway and they were playing xiaobazhi and shixiaolong!!!
It was the same old Cantonese movie, dubbed over in crappy Chinese with even crappier English subtitles! Just like the way it was!
Then when ariel and I went opshopping for crockeries for her shoot, I found my favourite dinner bowl! The teddy bear one!
Madness. Melbourne comprises of snippets of my childhood but involving people of different races and speaking languages.
It feels slightly nightmarish but not quite. Like the memories are warped but not quite.. Very strange and very moving at the same time.

So here I am, 2011, in a vietnamese provision shop which reminds me of my mum’s before the upgrading authorities made her renovate.

We used to play hide and seek between the shelves. If you’re wearing a red t-shirt, you can easily camouflage with the dried spices.
Don’t you think the edges of the packets look like sleeves?
I used to be really slow at finding the boys.

Then my sister told me that I could use to mirrors to see where everyone’s hiding. Because they’re meant for spotting thieves and thieves hide too.

decorations from 14083204983209428 new years ago..

I guess when I talk about home, I don’t mean Singapore.. I don’t mean the country or the place.
It’s the lazy sunday mornings I’m talking about. Lazing in bed till the afternoon, stretching my legs over to my sister’s side of the bed.
My father making ham and eggs. My sisters chatting about big girls stuff. And every part of the house being very noisy.
I love the smells and the noises of the chaos, of being part of a big family.
And knowing comfortably that while all these madness is going on, I’m safe to drift in and out of sleep, in between consciousness.

22 birthdays had came and go. Somehow the world had changed and I grew up.
And I’m in a new world of chaos too quick for me to grasp. please slow down!!!

o.0

Ying & Summer

Fun Fact #1 -
While Gladys sometimes prefer to go by her alter ego Donna, Gladys’ sister Grace, calls herself Summer.

Fun Fact #2 -
Ying, in a different chinese character but of the same pronunciation, is my niece’s name.

Michael & Victoria

Fun Fact #3 -
What inspired you to make a film about a couple not able to conceive, you ask?
Perhaps looking at many many ultra scan pictures of my niece has something to do with it.

Fun Fact #4 -
Prior to making M&V that year, Gladys’d made a tiny 2-minute project which involves birth giving of some sort.

Love is a Chair

Fun Fact #5 -
A little girl wishes she was the chair her sister sits on so that she can be her support when she’s upset.

AWWWWWWWW MUSH OVERLOAD HAHAHA

the guitar string broke…

This I was preparing to learn on the guitar. Then the stupid string snapped.

i guess… time to be independent.
When I used to play classically, there was always a score given.
Just follow it, just practice and just work hard. Nothing will go wrong.
And Eus used to do all these guitar related maintenance for me..
But I guess growing up meant scores were taken away and we’re all left to solve our own shit.
Now I’m left with a broken string…

the pressure and expectations I’ve garnered for the y&s film is getting to me.
i have enough positive and rainbows and sunshine for all the other filmmakers walking down the hall of vca, but none for myself.
the pessimist killed the positive. boohoo. listen to erik satie and cryzxzxz, slit wrist and dieeee. hahaha!

and it goes well with Muji  :D

17:49

And so I was deciding between the yellow watch and the green watch at a roadside stall.
Standing under the hot sun, trying to make a decision – which one shall I get?
Typical indecisive libra…
It was until when I started sweating so much and I was holding the queue behind me that the watch aunty suggested that if I did get both, I’d get the second one at half the price.
And so I got them both, the yellow and the green watch.

If  only decision making was that easy. Just have both.
I guess I want the best of both worlds, but that’s way too much to ask for.
If only I can bring family and friends from Singapore to Melbourne,… and the food too.

The aunty then adjusted the time on the watches.
It reminded me of Tsai Ming Liang’s film, What Time Is It Over There?
Back when Effie just moved to Canada, I used to always ask her that when we meet online.
Of course, the watch aunty didn’t ask me that. She asked if I prefer 12-hour clocks or 24?

I told her that I like my digital watches on 24-hour clocks. Then I don’t get confused between days and nights.
It dawned on me when she handed me my new watches,
17:59 in Singapore is 7.59pm in Melbourne.
For that moment, all my dilemma went away. Everything was perfect. Two worlds in one.
16:00 is 6pm and 18:00 is 8 o’clock.

When I arrived here a week ago, I couldn’t be bother changing the time on my watch.
I’m not sure where to call home anyway.
But, then and there, it all made sense.

Time, our dear friend, decided I need a reality check.
It wasn’t long till the demon in my mind started whispering “What happens at 20:00? What happens when daylight saving ends?”
I was lost again.

I wish it’ll always be 17:49…

It’s just too say to say goodbye… to those in Singapore and in Melbourne.

Thank you for flying with us. Have a great trip home.

And so, this is it. Home. This is where I belong, neither here nor there. Not in Melbourne. Not in Singapore.

Here, my two worlds collide. Goodbyes and hellos. Have a safe trip back. Can’t wait for you to arrive.

I guess we all belong in that yearning to reach the horizon. Don’t we always look out to the farthest of sea and sky and wish we could travel there? But when we do get there, we realise it isn’t the beautiful ideal we had in mind. Then we find a new horizon. I am searching now, more desperately than ever for a place to belong.