co.

For pain relieve. Nope! Doesn’t work at alllll!

Anyway, about last night. It was pretty interesting when I think about it. Somehow I felt sleep was hovering in the middle of me, waiting to kick in.
Sleep feels like the shape of me.
But some thoughts were to persistent leave.
So sleep was kinda there midway, didn’t know whether to take control or not.
I feel like I was hovering at the edge of sleep like like hours.

Then I fell asleep.
Recently, I’ve been having a recurring type of dream.
Sometimes I’d like to think I’m a super genius, just that my conscious mind haven’t been able to replicate the geniuses my sub-con has. haha!
About the dreams, I’ve been creating my own maps of place.
First it was melbourne. It was a somewhere I’ve never been in my life. Buildings and streets all new.
And it wasn’t a one time thingy.
I could revisit that map and take public transport in it and drive in there.
It’s really a world in my head!
Last night I was going/building somewhere again.

colour me free

Some people like Kurt Cobain. Some people like Freddie Mercury.
Some people don’t care.

For me, I happen to like Joss Stone.
And today, happens to be the day her record’s finallyyyyyyy out.. yessssssss
And it happens to be called colour me free

I’m not sure if it’s gonna be good. I kinda expect it to be shit anyway, since it’s a rebelious release.

But it’s ok. i dont careeeee!! wheeeeeeeee

Dreams

Ever since that night when I drank coffee before going to sleep, I’ve been having really vivid lucid dreams.
Probably it’s from my over-cramped scheduled days. Weird….
Weird dream and weird why.

So now I’m thinking of starting a dream journal. I do try to keep a notebook by the bedside.
It’s just the pressures of destroying such a pretty book makes it hard to jot down my fragmentised memories.
It’s always a dilemma about notebooks. I have so much love for them. Yet when I buy a nice down to earth soulful book, I’m afraid my ugly handwriting and less than substantial words would  destroy it.
Then if I get myself a cheap ugly exercise book, I’m turned off. No spark, no chemistry, no love.
So it’s really hard.
But Lauryn Hill said, “Wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up, we must destroy in order to rebuild.”
(get the wake up joke? get it get it? damn…my sense of humour is declining)

Ok. I digress. But point is, I’m trying to remember my dreams.
Last night I had a kick ass psychological thriller!
It involved Da Vinci-esque diagrams and art forms. Dimensional and architectural play and mind games.
Crazy shit.
Alarm erased it all. fucking hell…..

Well, back to the journal thingy, I’m also having a dilemma as to what colour a pen I should use.
Purple’s annoying if it’s across the whole book. Black’s too masculine. Blue’s ugly. Red’s too jarring.
I can’t see pink on white. Pencil?
Argghhh.. notebooks, I love/hate you.

But yup, when I get over myself.
Hopefully I can do scans and all of my little sketches and stuff about my dreams.
I study the world by studying myself first.
So perhaps, one day I might come to interpret my own dreams well enough to finally understand humans.

Till then I’ll just indulge in my addiction on Singapore Idol. hahaha
My daily dose of home. How low I’ve scooped. I’m no longer cool.

wah lau! how can u not laugh siaaalllll…..

Ahh… Melb, you tease again…

So, like any other ordinary evening, I sit by my computer, dressed in my comfy night wear and braless, stalking people on facebook and having lame conversations with retarded people and trying my hardest (doubtful) to finish my CFI journal.

Then the building next to ours had a massive fire alarm outburst and fire brigades came rushing down, top speed.
Very impressive and massively as loud.
Given my Singaporean short attention span kay poh nature, I gave it 5 secs of my attention to find out what’s going on, 
then I gave it no fuck anymore.

Then, here comes the fun part! Our building began a massive ring out as well!
False alarm I’m sure, but the crazy ringing drove me nuts.
So I got out of the apartment and gathered with the rest of the tenants.

So I was bored. So I remembered Eus said you must know at least one of your neighbour, otherwise you’re not cool.
Well, I do know one.. But I thought why not know more!
So I hopped around and made friends while the ringing was still going on. ha!

Then fire brigades!

And there’s even 2!

  

But as expected, it was a false alarm! but, on the flip side, despite standing in the cold and all I got to know many dudes living around me.

Though, I was still a little sad about the failure of the system cos it’s wasted trip for the fire brigade who could have been else where for a real fire. 

For those for you curious, yes, I did got out without my bra. Yea! 
That’s why I love melbourne, you’ll never know what kinda funny thingy’s gonna happen tomorrow.

Cherry Scent

I woke from a long nap to see the sky already covered in darkness. The night time stars are quite beautiful from where I lie.
I have just enough light now to see but not to read and smelling the cherry scent from my bro.
Wonder if there’s any dolphins dancing with him now or if the sky’s kind. I wish I had taken a trip to nz, not becos I miss him or what.
That’s gay.
But it’ll be nice to be close to nature and enjoy it with someone who understands how it feels. 

I guess my over romanticised view of nature came from the very first time I went on out to sea when I saw Free Willy.
Or maybe from those good ol’ Disney cartoons where despite the princess dream, they taught values and spiritually, hope and beauty.
Or maybe it’s for my love of movement; of letting the buoyancy of water hold me, of letting the train me bring me passing images.

It would be nice if I had Into the Wild to reread again. 
Checked the library website, it’ll be opened till 11 on mon. Sounds like a good time for me to go get a book to read.
Crazy as it was, I kinda see where that guy in into the wild was coming from. Actually I admire him quite a lot.
It wasn’t only his love for exploring and his criticism on society but his inability to endure long interpersonal relationships.
But yea, I just finished a book and so library soon is wise.

For now, I’ll just stare the stars till my eyes make little dots.

Fillet-O-Fish

If you’re in NZ or Aussie, chances are the fillet o fish you’re eating have been handled by my bro before.
Cos that silly geeky dude is working in a fish place thing in nz.
Brothers are such funny creatures. Boyfriends are complex and funny as well, but they’re not as cute as brothers.
My big bro and I go can go for long periods without seeing each other. He’ll lock himself in his room, I’ll be out or somewhere.
He’ll be backpacking, I’ll be locked in my room.
Yet, there’re moments when we can talk so much and understand each other so well.

I remember sneaking out at night to meet him for supper.
And we talk.
And there was once, I was so pissed off with the whole world (and i never angry.. so this is very serious)
I walked out of home without any money, or anything for that matter.
But Eus was the only one I contacted and we had bubble tea.

So when Dawn asked me to macers the other day, I had a fillet o fish.  

 

ok! mushyness overload! peace out!

Living 15 degrees and Under!

So,.. winter is here apparently. 
And it’s much less exciting than I thought.
Since it’s my first winter, I’d thought I’ll be jumping and rolling around taking in the nice comfort of cold.
But it’s ok, not as exciting, but exciting nonetheless.

 

Night rides are exciting! 

Lygon on a cold rainy day. 
Soaked shoes. Broken umbrella. Not one bit exciting.

That’s a 15degrees wednesday at my wednesdays tram stop.

(don’t know that guy, he just happened to be standing there)

“hi! how are you?”

 

That’s all for now folks!

Of Ups and Downs

It’s almost predictable now. Yet it still remains uncontrollable.
Recently, I’ve a pendulum. From calm to anxiety and back.
I’ve been a tree. Then I’ve been the air between moving cars on highways.
I guess it’s the difference that pushes me to the extreme.
Once I’ve been out of happiness, the fear of not knowing when I’ll come back again drives me towards a crazy frantic state of mind.
With it comes self hate .
No idea why.

Then it could be the disallowance on my part to allow my emotion burst into full rage.
I curb.
The curb takes the calm away.
I have no idea what I’m saying.
Thing is, only in creation I can allow my indulgence of emotions to run free.
Yet  I realise that only takes place in writing.

Writing seem to allow me to be a child again. 
Then I’ll have to grow up immediately to take my writing into a vision.
I swing again, like a pendulum.
From peace to agitation. 
From freedom to restriction.

Do I keep swinging?
Or do I fear the next time I feel good?
Cos the tomorrow I’ll sink.

The Sleep Drunkard Method

Goals for the next 5 (and more) mins:

1. Bathe
2. Think
 

My gums are hurting from over brushing cos I’ve brushed my teeth 4 times today.
So when you rather brush your teeth, cook, wash dishes, vacuum the floor than do your work,
you are showing symptoms of severe procrastination.

I’ve come up with my own cure, but it takes a lot to get around the procrastination about getting myself to stop procrastinating.

But try doing this.
Let’s say you’ve got to hand in an assignment tomorrow at 1pm.
Set ur alarm at an ungodly hour, like 6am works for me. (give yourself allowance for snoozing)
Prepare laptop by bedside the night before.

Then once you wake, do nothing but your work. No toilet, no brushing.
You would feel like you’re a bit out of control.
And things are a little wooowheeee.. and blurry.
It’s all but of the process.
Finish your work and go back to sleep.
And don’t forget to hand it in on time.

This, I call the Sleep Drunkard Method of getting work done the last min in the highest quality.
I wrote my scripts this way. And when I woke up for real, I’ve had no idea what I had written.
But apparently it  was good.
I’ve concluded that this style of working is based on instincts and that when your body is on auto pilot,
you work without the constraints of confidence and self doubt and whatnots. 
So it does good.

So, basically. I should really get off to doing my work now. i should stop wasting my time.

BE MORE PRODUCTIVE IDIOT!

A house in a house

When I move next year, I’m determined to get a large wardrobe, so that a portion of it can be turned into a cave.

 

Such a safe place to be.